The step parent effect

Joe Young
Nov 5, 2024
4 min read

This blog is dedicated to all the step parents that stood up and lifted the broken crumbs off of someone else’s plate and reshaped them.

I hope to keep this relatable, without going of track.

I was going nowhere fast until i ventured onto a dating site one day. It was called ( pov or “ plenty of fish” i thought there was more chance of me catching the loch ness monster than a fish 🐟.

As fate would have it i met my future wife. ❤️

I always dreamed of being a dad/Father. 🙏 I was starting to think the ship had sailed.

After a period of time once my then girlfriend was comfortable i was introduced to this tiny little girl that was smaller than the height of the door handle of which i greeted her 😂

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months things started to fly by.

Before i knew i had officially moved in and in the blink of an eye my now fiancée was pregnant and i walking my daughter to school each morning and i finally felt like i had a purpose in life.

The following quote im about to say is not my own ,i can’t remember who says it. However it does rings true.

“Step Parents are not around to replace a biological parent.... rather to augment a child's life experience”.

In other words their job is to enhance it. To Make sure they get the best out of that child or children you and you get the best out of them.

Me personally thats where the “ Step Parent ends it ends . To me personally its a “non entity “ in other words it is non existent.

I don’t think step parent is a nice thing to call anyone male or female.

You are either all in or all out .you are either a parent or your NOT. I have 2 younger sons that are biologically mines.

However as crazy as it sounds i knew that little girl who is now a young adolescent and the best daughter anyone could dream off , she would have a story to tell.

we bonded instantly, and it was like watching my own childhood playing back.

The imagination and stories, bed time stories that i never got to do with my sons as they have autism and non verbal. The little things you take for granted i got the joy of doing that .

My daughter as I’ll never see her as anything other than my first born would absolutely pester me.

Joe please one more story please one more “ok” in my head id be saying for fucksake not again. I look back now with fond memories.

I wish i could go back and do it all again, i really do, from space projects to just spending time with her.

We don’t realise our time is the most valued thing its not money or the latest trend.

I think the hardest thing to deal with is now and again through certain things im told or a better way of putting it reminded shes “ Not mine”

Thats ok if nobody cares. But when your step daughter turns sixteen years of age and changes her name to my second name like she always says she would wow!!! Like just wow!!

Is it even possible to return that gesture of love?

To me personally i don’t know if it is. It was the proudest day of my life. And yes that includes my wedding day it includes my bio sons why?

Because in my heart shes my first born .

Id like to dedicate this blog to her without actually naming her. I used to always say after a disagreement “father first friend 2nd”

I always have hated the serious dad side but sometimes it has to be done.

Nowadays we are the kings and queens of dark humor 😂😂😂. Nobody’s safe blood 🩸 relatives or dead relatives nobody’s safe from a punchline 😂😂.

She has my sence of humor and s lot of my traits ( cursed i know) .

There has been so many fun memories that so much stands out.

What probably stands out most is both of our uncanny sense of humour and ability to laugh at the most dire situations, we never and i mean ever hold a grudge longer than 5 mins.

So i just wanted to dedicate this blog to her as sometimes I’ve questioned my own existence but she at times helped to remind me i have a pupose in life and i owe her eternal gratitude. For never giving up on me

when i took a break down after my sister died and my neices were taken into care and split up she always had faith in me.

I titled this short blog a stepfather’s heartbreak as there’s nothing more hurtful than somebody reminding a stepparent that a child who is now a young adult is not biologically theirs which happened to myself .

Thats ok because as hurtful and callous as it is for anyone to say that?

The bottom line is shes now started hopefully what will be a successful career path in mental health and social care.

She knows i was the one person she could always count on from learning to read and write. To projects on space and the titanic.

Every march spending my Cheltenham festival winnings on her. Thats the thing though she can’t be bought. 1-1 time and deep conversations will always prevail over small talk and mean more to her.

Shel read this and want to read me the riot act 😂 ~Joe 4/11/24

This blog is dedicated to all the step parents that stood up and lifted the broken crumbs off of someone else’s plate and reshaped them.

I hope to keep this relatable, without going of track.

I was going nowhere fast until i ventured onto a dating site one day. It was called ( pov or “ plenty of fish” i thought there was more chance of me catching the loch ness monster than a fish 🐟.

As fate would have it i met my future wife. ❤️

I always dreamed of being a dad/Father. 🙏 I was starting to think the ship had sailed.

After a period of time once my then girlfriend was comfortable i was introduced to this tiny little girl that was smaller than the height of the door handle of which i greeted her 😂

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months things started to fly by.

Before i knew i had officially moved in and in the blink of an eye my now fiancée was pregnant and i walking my daughter to school each morning and i finally felt like i had a purpose in life.

The following quote im about to say is not my own ,i can’t remember who says it. However it does rings true.

“Step Parents are not around to replace a biological parent.... rather to augment a child's life experience”.

In other words their job is to enhance it. To Make sure they get the best out of that child or children you and you get the best out of them.

Me personally thats where the “ Step Parent ends it ends . To me personally its a “non entity “ in other words it is non existent.

I don’t think step parent is a nice thing to call anyone male or female.

You are either all in or all out .you are either a parent or your NOT. I have 2 younger sons that are biologically mines.

However as crazy as it sounds i knew that little girl who is now a young adolescent and the best daughter anyone could dream off , she would have a story to tell.

we bonded instantly, and it was like watching my own childhood playing back.

The imagination and stories, bed time stories that i never got to do with my sons as they have autism and non verbal. The little things you take for granted i got the joy of doing that .

My daughter as I’ll never see her as anything other than my first born would absolutely pester me.

Joe please one more story please one more “ok” in my head id be saying for fucksake not again. I look back now with fond memories.

I wish i could go back and do it all again, i really do, from space projects to just spending time with her.

We don’t realise our time is the most valued thing its not money or the latest trend.

I think the hardest thing to deal with is now and again through certain things im told or a better way of putting it reminded shes “ Not mine”

Thats ok if nobody cares. But when your step daughter turns sixteen years of age and changes her name to my second name like she always says she would wow!!! Like just wow!!

Is it even possible to return that gesture of love?

To me personally i don’t know if it is. It was the proudest day of my life. And yes that includes my wedding day it includes my bio sons why?

Because in my heart shes my first born .

Id like to dedicate this blog to her without actually naming her. I used to always say after a disagreement “father first friend 2nd”

I always have hated the serious dad side but sometimes it has to be done.

Nowadays we are the kings and queens of dark humor 😂😂😂. Nobody’s safe blood 🩸 relatives or dead relatives nobody’s safe from a punchline 😂😂.

She has my sence of humor and s lot of my traits ( cursed i know) .

There has been so many fun memories that so much stands out.

What probably stands out most is both of our uncanny sense of humour and ability to laugh at the most dire situations, we never and i mean ever hold a grudge longer than 5 mins.

So i just wanted to dedicate this blog to her as sometimes I’ve questioned my own existence but she at times helped to remind me i have a pupose in life and i owe her eternal gratitude. For never giving up on me

when i took a break down after my sister died and my neices were taken into care and split up she always had faith in me.

I titled this short blog a stepfather’s heartbreak as there’s nothing more hurtful than somebody reminding a stepparent that a child who is now a young adult is not biologically theirs which happened to myself .

Thats ok because as hurtful and callous as it is for anyone to say that?

The bottom line is shes now started hopefully what will be a successful career path in mental health and social care.

She knows i was the one person she could always count on from learning to read and write. To projects on space and the titanic.

Every march spending my Cheltenham festival winnings on her. Thats the thing though she can’t be bought. 1-1 time and deep conversations will always prevail over small talk and mean more to her.

Shel read this and want to read me the riot act 😂 ~Joe 4/11/24

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